I was a bit surprised. 

Not so long ago, I got a reminder in my calendar, 

『Try a thing you haven't tried, go to a place you have never been』

Little did I know that my unconscious minds were programmed once I wrote that reminder in the first place. I didn't remember exactly when I made that reminder. 

Surprisingly, it becomes a sign for me to always live my life. Well, it's not only about fame, wealth, or materialistic things. It's about how I feel a peaceful life with gratefulness. 

I know that the storms are always coming and sometimes we can't get what we want. 

However, making a manifestation about what we want to be is a little effort that will lead us to reach our goals. 

Thus, it makes me want to share some of my journey in learning Japanese. If I make a title, it would be "How Learning Japanese Transformed Me". 

Why do I learn Japanese? 

I learn Japanese just because. 

「いや、うそでしょ!!」

Hahaha! No, I'm not kidding. A long time ago, when I was in elementary school, I remembered my first celebrity crush was a character from Tokyo Drift, Han Lue. Long story short I got crazy with Japan because of that (Even though I grew up with Japanese animations which aired on TV, such as Doraemon, Crayon Shin-chan, Detective Conan, etc). 

However, little Feni didn't know much about Japan, only having imagination about this beautiful country without any further research about it. I also didn't have a chance to learn Japanese in high school due to the Deutsch subject that I must have. 

Well, during college, I had a very busy schedule and just happened to learn Japanese a little with my German. But no improvement and stuck and simple conversation without knowing how to read the alphabet, yet I didn't do much and paused my learning for a long time... 

Then, yup! Despite the routines and workload I had to endure during my adult life, I felt something was missing. I craved for something outside my work. 

This led me to gain new experiences by making friends as many as possible. I was exchanging letters with some pen pals, and I'll let you know that, even though the encounter was short, I gained new perspectives from them, and  eventually has impact on me, which led me to learn Japanese. 

Photos sent by pals

Self-Acceptance

Exchanging perspectives more deeply, such as sharing viewpoints with strangers, makes my life brighter. There's a willingness to show my culture; well, it's unconsciously made me learn more about it. Before, I less appreciated what I had. However, it turned out to be, Yeah, my life, my home country, my culture aren't perfect, but all of them are beautiful. Just like the way I adore other countries. The diversity makes it even more beautiful. 

Without hesitation, I will learn my tradition and want the world to know, too, about our uniqueness, which may be different from what they have. Then, it was also encourage me to travel around nearby towns and see what I have here. 

I think this simple thing has led me to be grateful for what I have. I tend to compare myself with my friend's achievements, and I rush to get what I want but do not understand what my capabilities are. By doing things such as learning about my culture, exploring nearby towns, improving my skills, enjoying my hobbies and exchanging perspectives with the world... Slowly, my life changed in a better way.

 「I try to focus on what I have, rather than what's not I have」

On The Process of Learning Japanese

Long-life learning seemed to echo in my mind. I also knew that I couldn't just stand to let myself (or it's my mind) lie down. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I like studying. I also found out that my former college friends and strangers who I met, having the same vibes as me, never stopped learning. Well, my profession can't let me take a rest tho', I should always join CPD and seminars, lol 😁. 

However, it looks like starting new things, like new hobbies, is easier compared to making it sustainable. Consistency is the best way. But, just being consistent isn't enough. We know that we have an abundance of resources on YouTube, the internet, books, etc, but I can't maintain what should I grab in for certain times, sometimes I felt too much information, yet I couldn't make a conclusion, this is what I remembered from my religion teacher: you need a teacher for studying. 

I tried to meet many people on language apps, to see whether I'll find a study partner or not. But it's difficult to look for a kindred spirit. Everyone is busy with their schedule. Although a short encounter with them also motivated me to learn more, they're all great learners as they're focused on their goals and found effective ways to learn their target languages. I also met some native speakers along the way. Some of them encouraged me to stay motivated in learning Japanese. 

Long story short, I found a native Japanese who is willingly teaching me Japanese online. For the very first time, I was nervous. I haven't thinking about learning Japanese intensely, only going with the flow. I was hesitant whether I could manage to do it or not. However, learning Japanese itself is a challenge already; why I'm not continuing to do it seriously?

Then, Yeaaa It's been around 6 months already since my learning had started. I really appreciated for him making time to teach me Japanese. 

The First Package from afar (I got from my teacher, Maruoka sensei)  Almost every once a week, we do the class online. I was very surprised that teacher gives me detailed information, resources, and explanation along the studies. I can learn Japanese in a better way. During the lesson, I also really happy because I can see Japan, my dream country, directly from his perspective.  A beautiful scenery sent by my teacher I made many mistakes. Of course.  I need to be good at managing my time while still understand the lesson. It's required patience to learn a language, after all. Naturally, it taught me resilience, I can delve deeper that making mistakes during learning process is okay. By doing so, I became more forgiving of my own imperfections.  Although it's hard, I can feel small sense of victory. It's for example when I can understand my teacher speaking in Japanese, or catching some words on Animes and doramas I watch, and little bit understanding my favorite Japanese songs, even begun to sing it. These moments are small but a reminder for of how far I had come.  Little Things That Aren't A Little I came to think that, every encounter with people, isn't by accident. In the end, it leads me towards myself. I learned more about myself. I learned to be grateful with what I have, I learned to focus on my goals rather than comparing myself with people, I learned that people come and go, so I should appreciate while they're surround me, especially my families and friends.  Even I already notice that many people come and go, I'm not afraid of opening new friendship, networks, and beyond. Along the way, there are always inspiring people who introduce me for new musics, foods, even new fields I don't familiar with. Their support make me realize that,   「Learning is not a solitary journey but one the thrives on connection」 Japanese foods and store The journey of learning process doesn't always count as single and direct goals. We never know what will happen in the future. I never know that there are many beautiful things await me. There are still many places to visit, many people to meet, many stories to unfold, many opportunities to try, and many things to do. But, I should keep in mind that, in the end, these are all leading into knowing myself.  So, it's okay to do little things every day, to make a small movement, to sometimes get a pause, and at certain times you can try to run, yes, it's beautiful, it will always beautiful...

Life presents challenges at every level.

If you have found a great supporter already, don't forget to thank them.

何回でも･･･  ずっと応援するからね! No matter how many times... I'll always support you!

If you haven't found one yet, go look for support, and find help. 

And please be your own best supporter.

In frame : 

ちいかわ/ Netflix 

A friend recommended me, and I liked it right away. The simple stories and awesome characters, also the high level of cuteness help me increase my mood ☺

To the incredible girl who's standing up there, 

If no one is no longer telling you how awesome you are, 

I will. 

You're just absolutely awesome just the way you are ♡

The way you perceive the world reflects your unique outlook. 

Kindness radiates from your presence and the way you interpret the world. 

Every time I had doubts, I realized that pretending to be strong all the time was impossible. 

The passionate girl I once looked down upon, now I see you standing strong. 

You have withered any storm that comes your way.

If you need to rest, take that time, because you are the standard. 

You are meant to be loved, and you are worth it. 

It's okay to question your path, and your actions, and take pauses along the way. 

It's okay to be cautious, to grieve, to react strongly. 

Let things flow as they may. 

Time flies,

I've seen sorrow and happiness come and go. 

I've seen people walk in and out of my life. 

I've seen seasons changing over time.

Gradually, 

I've come to think of mistakes as something that let me grow. 

I've come to think about the correct amount of worry let me prepare for the next challenges. 

I've come to think the past is something that can't be changed, the future is something that I can't see, and my present day is a gift. 

Yogyakarta, 2024

The Seeker

I want to start a trail for a personal journey in search of the meaning of life.

As part of the journey of life itself, I also know that this search will not reach its final point until the end of my life.

Imperfection is also a true characteristic of me, who is an ordinary human being.  Maybe there are many biases that I only want the truth for, but I hope there are also many meanings that I can use as a guide in facing various challenges in life.

Not only personal journeys, at various intersections there will be several people who enter, who have lived for a long time or just passed by and will later become part of this search.

Apart from all that, I am sure that in my search this time, I will find God at the beginning, middle and end of the journey.  Because God is where my goal comes from.

I'm looking forward for this long journey. 

Warm regards, 

The seeker

*Disclaimer: There might be some misses along the journey, however I'll gladly learn from mistakes. 

Who's God? Why do I live? 

I walk in a quiet place, dealing with life. 

I do what I need to do. 

Yet, I'm still dreaming. 

Because dreaming and believing are what keep me alive.

I walk in slow motion. 

In a way that only I and mystery know the answer. 

I choose to live with numerous "It's okay". With a life that consists of patience and  gratitude. 

It doesn't mean that I live freely or strictly.

You may question whether this the life that you want? Is this a life that you dream of? 

But it's true that life is a choice. 

But sometimes you don't have enough choices. 

Take life for granted as it life will teach you many things. 

It's not always something difficult; it can be in in the mundane and easy thing too. 

Who knows? 

I can taste my mother's cooking every day. 

I can smell her warm heart.

It's a mundane life in a fast-paced world.

I begin my day with a cup of coffee, which cost less than a cup of coffee you buy at a café. It tastes very ordinary. But I wonder, does the coffee you buy at a café tastes special?

I always wonder why, that the word "Goodbye" Must have 'good' on it. 

Where's the 'good' in goodbye? 

I heard that before life, soul will gather together and will reunite in the world. 

Did it happen to us? 

But why it can't last? 

Your picture 君なくて誠に多太の桜哉 Kimi nakute / makoto ni tada no / sakura kana Without you ー the cherry blossoms just blossom

I've been waiting for the time until I truly forget about us. 

I thought it's easier for me as the distances between us are far. 

It's likely about eight million of the light time. 

Is it called love? 

Or is it called lonely? 

I didn't talk to you anymore. 

And I haven't met the person who I think have the same vibe as yours. 

You, know.

I don't want to call the last picture you sent me as the last one. 

Because I'm still hoping, there's no goodbye between us. 

Because the beauty of plum blossom, cherry blossom, will just it, without your presence. 

It's well said that this month is full of love because there's a Valentine's Day in it, marked on the 14th of February. Hence, many people say about love. 

I don't understand what love is as there are so many definitions to express it. 

Love means to like somebody or something with all their heart. Sometimes love means the otherwise. 

Shirako Sakura by Mr Maruoka

They say we can't survive in this cruel world without love. 

We need something to calm us to make us feel enough, validated, and supported. 

We tend to longing for something that will accompany us to live. 

This is something that will make us feel attached to the things we love. 

I can also say that love can't last. 

Love is something that can increase and decrease. Sometimes is just like a fire that burns our hearts and spirits. 

It's also something that can make us feel depressed too. 

And, It can't last. 

I have heard a sentence about that too, that love can't last, for example in a marriage. 

For me, I think marriage is a big commitment of someone who love each other. But the thing is, it's also can happen between two people who don't love each other yet, but they have similar values and want to build a commitment to be together. 

In that case, it's usually said, that love can last for only a few years, in some cases, it lasts only a few months not even a year. 

It can happen otherwise. They begin their marriage because they share the same values and then they start to love each other even more. 

But, 

Sometimes it's easy for people to break up because they say, "Love is not exist anymore between us". But how if the scenario already been understood since the beginning, that in anyway love can't last. 

I can say that love can't last, but it turns out to be a stronger form, which is affection and mercy. 

In every relationships, affection and mercy can become the sources of the secret recipe for lasting relationship. 

In affection and mercy, this love already change into another great form. 

It needs some effort for making it sustain. It needs patience, compromise, understanding and action. 

Therefore, is that love still can't last? 

No, it can't. 

Love can be disappeared. Love can disappointed us. 

But, in another form, Love can last. 

Happily ever after. 

But, there's the lasting love which is no human being can't do. 

This is love from God.