Seems that we've reached the half of this year, eh?

I'm going to welcome this July with a new spirit. A new journey to embrace. 

It has been one of the greatest and most difficult months of my life. 

Yet, these past few months I learned a lot. 

I learned that in this world, everything is just temporary. 

Moments. Feelings. People. Flowers. Kindness. 

And you know, I want to know that love is an action. I learned that love is about giving—everything—and letting it hurt. 

Wait... what?

Hahaha, yea that is what I knew from my past experiences. 

I learned all the things come in twos :

Life and death.

Pain and joy. 

Sugar and salt. 

Me and you. 

It is the balance of universe.

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one”

― Rumi

We must learn to focus on warm energy, always. 

Soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world, for if we can't learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate parts of ourselves. 

*This post was inspired from Rupi Kaur. 

This May, perhaps teaches me another lessons to grow. 

Sometimes I couldn't understand why but in the end I'm learning that actually everything that I'm going through have reasons. 

                                       Everything has a reason. 

I have to believe that I can go through these all. 

The mundane life, difficult days, happy days... Everything. With the help of God, with the help of families and friends or even strangers. 

... It doesn't have direct correlation with love. Everything I've talked before, but somehow explaining it with this topic sounds more understandable. 

Well, sometimes I'm too afraid for being on my own, like you can say being single. 

Although when I'm doing something I can say that I can do it on my own. I can go to the hospital by myself, going to supermarket alone, McD time on my own, or hanging out at a cafe with one cup of coffee (read:I'm alone).

Let's say that I don't hate being alone but it's more awesome if I can do everything I like with someone special. 

... Yet, sometimes I also don't want to be in a situation where I can't become myself, not so sure about my own self, or afraid of serious relationship. 

By the way, I'm sure that everyone has their own struggles, some might have the same thoughts as mine, and it's okay isn't to not rushing everything, just because we want to be like somebody elses? 

It's my own journey of finding my other half.  There will be the time when I will finally say, "It's worth a wait!! "

Maybe right now your journey is about you. 

Yes darling, Maybe your journey now is not about love. Maybe right now your journey is about you. Maybe this is a season you are being challenged to be your own savior. 

To be your own safe place. Maybe right now you are being reminded that the people who walked away were only ever leading you back to yourself. Were only ever leading you here. 

And here, you are okay on your own. You're rebuilding. 

Here you're adapting and mending and reclaiming all of the pieces you let them walk away with. 

Here, you are being kinder to your soul. 

You're giving yourself the same kind of love you have always given to others. 

Here, you are not rushing your heart. 

You are not depending on another human being to fix it. Instead, here, you are doing that on your own. 

Here, you are healing. [cr: @rainbowsalt]

And... The lessons to be learned. 

I'm not going to rush anything. 

I'm not going to stress out or worry about how things will work out for me. Instead of overthinking, I will align my faith with divine timing and trust that everything that belongs in my life is making its way towards me right now. I know that the universe will deliver. In the meantime, I'll continue to get better and evolve so I can make room for new energy to enter my life. 

Hoarding a piece of feelings at a time.  

What is it like? 

Even though it won't be revealed, I'm sure our pure affection will definitely reach the person we're aiming for. 

....... Even if it's late or not in our reference of time.

In terms of feelings, happiness becomes an innocent thing.  

Often we ignore the feelings that are owned by ourselves, because we are more concerned with the feelings of others.

Sometimes we enjoy pain and sadness.  

These become part of the feeling of anxiety if something bad happens to that person. 

In fact, sometimes the ego is defeated, "As long as you are happy, I'm okay."

From the moment the feelings echoes in the mind, we could be blinded by it.  

Logically goes, but is completely defeated by feelings.

If it's like that, whether we like it or not we are willing to sacrifice, willing to do something as long as the person can live a good life.

.

Even though the feelings isn't mutual, are we sure we are sincere?

Initially, it is undeniable that the sense of belonging always arises.  

The feelings of wanting to be together.  

The desire to continue to be considered there.  

The fondness of wanting to be used as a reinforcement. 

Stage of Being Sincere

However, there are those who reach the stage of being sincere.  

She believes that basically, everything she does is to give happiness.

 ''It is more happiness to give, not to receive!"

Maybe we think that as a giver of happiness, there will surely be times when she will get bored, right?  

That's right, the giver of happiness will feel boredom.  However, if she is sincere, the giver of happiness will not think too much about reciprocity.

『The real test of sincerity is to see whether a person will help you even if he knows he will get nothing in return. The truth is anyone can help when there’s something to gain; but to help when there’s nothing in return shows true love & a beautiful heart』- Mufti Menk

The giver of happiness becomes someone who is good, continues to help, and is certain because there is a basis of feeling.  But, when she is sincere, and stops giving happiness, it doesn't mean she is tired and reluctant to be a source of happiness for that person. 

About Priority

It could be, she has found someone she prioritizes more.  Because of that, this feeling shifts to the person she thinks is more deserving of it.

And once again, as long as you are happy that is fine, but as long as yourself are happy, has it ever occurred to you?

Well, let's consider for a moment, before we give something good.  

As long as you are happy, but I do not suffer. 

   Also Read : Happiness Starts Within

Tidak ada persahabatan yang sempurna di dunia ini. Yang ada hanya orang-orang yang berusaha sebisa mungkin untuk mempertahankannya. 

My birthday, 2017

Fotonya jadul sekali ya, masih polos semua. wkwk. Jujur saja aku kaget waktu kalian kasih kejutan di ulang tahunku tersebut (Yeay kejutan kalian benar-benar berhasil ya). Aku kira kita hanya teman biasa awalnya, dalam artian yasudah kenal saja habis itu masing-masing. Tapi ternyata aku salah, 

Throughout life we experience many different kinds of friendships. On rare occasions, we encounter someone so special that we just know we met for a reason. There are the kinds of friendship that last forever no matter what city you live in or how often you speak, no matter how old you get or what phase of life you are in.

Berantem

Pernah berantem?

Pasti, sering banget. Banyak hal yang tidak sejalan, juga banyak salah komunikasi yang sering terjadi. Atau terkadang, tiba-tiba tidak mood saja, terus marahan deh. wkwkwk.

Lalu, apa yang terjadi setelah itu?

Tentu saja walaupun kita sadar pernah marahan, ngambek, tapi kita baikan lagi, secara natural kita seperti biasa lagi. 

Coba tebak siapa yang gada di sini? hahaha

Deep Talk

Setelah sudah memasuki masa-masa akhir kuliah sarjana, aku rasa kita semakin sering 'deep talk'  (Meskipun aku yang paling susah jadi pembicara sih wkwkwk). Entah itu di kosan Defly, Ami atau Rani, kita tanpa sadar sudah semakin merasa nyaman dengan satu sama lain. 

Bahkan memang, kita adalah tipe orang yang dewasa tapi tidak dewasa? hahaha, maksudku adalah, kalau kita main, kita seperti anak kecil. Kita heboh, mainan masak-masakan (masak makanan beneran sih ya), jalan-jalan bareng, benar-benar menikmati masa muda. Bukan membicarakan hal yang tentang gosip, atau tentang hal-hal lain yang tidak terlalu baik. 

Thanks for...

Terima kasih telah membersamai di kala senang, susah, sedih, maupun di kala hidup sedang biasa-biasa saja. 

Terima kasih telah hadir di sisiku. 

nemenin seminar S1

Ami ngapain? wkwkwk

Unofficially became a Vet 👻

Do you see how happy I am in this photo?  That's simply a sign that I'm so grateful to be your best friend☺

Quarter-life crisis they said, uh? 

Reaching the age of quarter centuries, branches of mind, stressful working condition, friends' successful stories, high standard of life from influencers, cultivating into one point, 

I N S E C U R I T I E S 

Nowadays, insecurities have become the most spoken topic, especially for youth generations. As it really happens in my surroundings, when exploring social media, you'll find some feed that would post about this topic.

Why do we feel insecure?

Well, I'm not gonna talk about somebody else's, I'm gonna talk about what I really feel. 

After struggling for formal education until I graduated and maintaining to get my job, here I am, talking nonsense in this blog. Actually I'm not good at discussing it, or I just haven't found a person to discuss it, no idea. But, it's really dancing in my mind, so I think it's the time to write about it, preventing it from exploding in my mind. hahaha. 

Well, they said that 'Privilege' matters. Some people do have this privilege for their life, some do not have such a thing. 

I do agree with that, to be precise we're having different beginning to achieve something. So that, different processes, and different finishes. You may not agree with that kind of 'privilege' thing, eh?

If we're talking about it, we should actually realize that, we're not defined by certain ages to be called a successful person, am I right?

Maybe when you're becoming one of the 'Sandwich Generation', that's still striving for earning money to pay your family's needs, you got the job, but you can't be such a decent person that is already married with their loved one, having their own houses, and business. They could make some other side jobs, travelling overseas, in contrast you're still busy with your own life. 

If it's counted and seen only from one perspective, then you could say that life is unfair, isn't it?

Then something called, insecurities will be the right term to define your mood. 

But, is that so?

  Also read Perfect with imperfections

I should admit that, sometimes I do feel insecurities strike my head. That would make myself become a loser, having low self-esteem. 

However, I choose to not feel that any longer. 

I do feel that, but I should see something from a different point of view (Still trying to do that). 

In my opinion, we should recognize our feelings, admit that, and accept that. If we already recognize ourselves better, we could take another step to get up. 

The key of all the things is we should be more grateful and loving ourselves. 

Stargazing a future :D

'' Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of deep healing. Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion and respect to your own journey.''  - S. Menutt

We want everything to be perfect, we have abundant willingness, high expectation on something, but how if 

We choose to embrace all that we have been and are with love, acceptance and tenderness?

By loving ourselves, we can take better care of ourselves. We then know how to begin to accept our true self, not blaming all the failures that we made. And we will gain more because we know how to improve ourselves with patience, compassion, and we know the best for ourselves because we have our own path, our own timing, our own journey. 

Taru wo shiru mono wa tomu. 

I am content with what I am.

Also read I am content with I am. 

.

Tidak semua hal perlu diungkapkan. 

Haiii 2022. 

Sudah lebih dari separuh bulan, menjalani hari di tahun baru ini. Rasanya kok gitu aja ya? Hehe

Beneran, rasa pahit dan manis yang di alami selama 2021 kini tergantikan dengan lembaran baru. Biarkan pekerjaan rumah maupun harapan yang tertunda kita rakit kembali di tahun ini. Semoga yaa terlaksanakan. 

Jadi, pelajaran apa sih yang paling berkesan di tahun 2021? 

Kalau aku pribadi, salah satunya sangat memaknai arti ngga papa, ga semuanya perlu diungkapkan. 

Meski sering terjebak dalam hal, gada salahnya buat didiskusikan, diobrolkan dulu agar lebih jelas, tapi ternyata kita juga sering terjebak, di saat sebenernya suatu hal jadi lebih mudah lho jika kita ga ngasih tau ke siapa-siapa. 

Memang perlu pandai dalam memposisikan diri untuk bisa menyaring informasi yang masuk maupun yang keluar dari diri kita. Terlebih lagi jika hal tersebut menyangkut urusan nama baik diri maupun orang tersebut. 

Well, ngomong-ngomong soal itu, kan banyak tuh kejadian yang di sorot media mengenai kasus pencemaran nama baik atau UU ITE. Padahal kan, kalau ga gitu bukannya kejahatan ga akan terungkap? 

Hihi.. duh berat ah aku gamau ngomongin yang berat-berat. Ribet juga yaa urusan di negara Wakanda ini (aku lihat komen netizen wkwk). 

Menyangkut hal pribadi, gak ngungkapin sesuatu itu bisa jadi menahan untuk gak sembarangan cerita ke sosial media. Aku sadar, jejak digital itu sulit sekali dihapus. Bisa jadi karena kita nggak 'ngeh' atau sudah ngehapus ternyata masih bisa terlacak, bahkan 'ada yang merasa tersindir' atas ucapan kita di sosial media, padahal nih yaa kita nggak ngomongin mereka atau berusaha menyindir orang-orang tertentu.. hehe ribet juga ya nak milenial ini. 

Begitulah, memang ada beberapa hal yang tidak perlu diungkapkan. Dalam kehidupan nyata juga bisa terjadi seperti itu. 

Memang agak berat ya untuk dapat menjadi pandai dalam penempatan diri agar bisa menyaring mana yang bisa kita ceritain mana yang tidak. Apalagi memilih mana orang yang kita percayai untuk diceritakan atau tidak. 

Yaa benar, hati-hati. Walau kita perlu untuk menceritakan sesuatu hal, agar bisa lebih 'plong' tentu kita juga harus bisa lebih berhati-hati dalam bercerita,

Btw, aku juga harus hati-hati yaa, kan blog juga bisa jadi jejak digital. Hihihi . 

Oh ya, semoga di tahun 2022 mindset yang aku punya tetap positif, bisa menata dengan baik rencana-rencana yang ingin aku laksanakan di tahu ini, tentunya juga harus lebih cermat, aamiin. 

Kalau harapanmu di tahun ini apa? 

 "You're perfect with your imperfections"

Ketika melihat huru-hara kehidupan, hingar-bingar kota, wara-wiri media, huh.. akan banyak kesempurnaan yang seakan-akan hinggap di diri orang. Yap, bukan di diri sendiri, yang kurang ini itu, yang belum bisa ini itu, yang nggak sanggup ini itu.

Seperti pepatah jawa yang sering kudengar, "Urip iku Mung Sawang-Sinawang", jelas pasti bahwa seringkali kita merasa bahwa rumput tetangga lebih hijau dari rumput di rumah sendiri. 

Bahwa, kok sempurna banget sih hidupnya? 

Hehe.. Sedikit menyinggung epilog drama Webtoon yang kubaca, Joyful Delight, dari sana aku mencoba mengambil hikmah, bahwa ketidaksempurnaan selalu dimiliki tiap orang, jika mencari yang sempurna, yaa tidak akan pernah ketemu, dan begitulah hingga Joy kembali menerima Aydan. Dia memang tidak sempurna, tapi termasuk orang yang baik kepadanya, kepada keluarga dia sendiri, dan yang terpenting adalah setia. 

Kembali lagi mengenai, pemikiran yang sejatinya bisa kuubah, mengenai nasib, mengenai usaha, dan mengenai keikhlasan dalam diri. Fokus kepada diri menjadi hal yang tersulit untuk saat ini. Agar memiliki niat yang jelas untuk terus tumbuh, untuk menjadi salah satu bintang yang bersinar, dan yang penting untuk membuat lingkungan sekitar memiliki semangat yang sama akan keberhasilan. 

Benar adanya, ketidaksempurnaan diri terkadang menjadi penghalang, kadangpula menjadi sebuah penerimaan, seperti "ada baiknya juga yaa aku gabisa ini, aku ga terjun ke dunia ini, karena sepertinya tidak cocok dengan prinsipku".. 

Dan seperti itu, keluarga yang kita miliki, tidak bisa kita pilih.

Semua memiliki sisi baik dan sisi buruk masing-masing, yang menurutku bisa kita jadikan pilihan adalah 

 '' Bagaimana kita menjadikan keluarga sebagai semangat hidup, sebagai tempat untuk berbagi, sebagai tempat untuk pulang. '' 

Seperti nantinya, teman, pasangan, tetangga, yang memilki keunikannya sendiri, yang selalu mengajarkan untuk saling berbagi dan saling menolong. 

Siapa sangka, ketidaksempurnaan mu adalah sebuah kesempurnaan yang dianugerahkan Tuhan kepadamu.