Do we live on a race? 

Are we truly living, or are we merely racing through it?

This September was the moment of quiet reflection within my own thought. 

It's sad but well said. This is a bittersweet realization because I was on a battle within my self, actually... 

There's a moment when I was feeling sad,  but then September whispered its wisdom. It reminded me that it's okay to have a pause. 

It taught me to embrace the nature of my self, so that I've decided that I will dancing to my own tune and just being me. 

Well, it's true that life seems like a race. Life can sometime expect us to follow the crowd. 

We're often told to do things in certain ways, to achieve certain milestones by specific ages, to fit in particular boxes, and march to someone's else beat. 

But,  I'm trying to let my self in a ''POMO'' (Pleasure of Missing Out) mode. 

Well, not saying that I'll leave all the social media off nor disappearing into a solitary place. It's just everything in between, about finding a balance as I'll not let my life be consumed by the fear of missing out.  

 So, I've decided that

 

The lesson I've learnt from people I admire is, they stay true to themselves.

 

Living authentically will lead me to hear the rhythm of my own's heart. 

In this kind of meaning, I'll try to recognize what I love, what I dream of, and where I want to go, and then just going for it. 

It's okay to be where I am now. 

For nothing is truly too late nor too early. 

It's not about being perfect, but it's about enjoying the dance while I'm dancing on my own tune. 

It's a journey of self-discovery, one step at a time. 

ねえ、ねえ、

I just want you to know that it's really hard not to talk to you when I want to,

... And It's equally difficult to not have the opportunity to see you when I truly need to,

... As well as not being with you when I long for you,

But you know, the hardest part is trying not to love you, 

When I already do.... 

By the way, いま何してんの?

Hahaha it's funny, eh? (笑)

I want to (try to) embrace my feelings towards you, 

and of course I have to realize,

that energy is never broken, just transferred into another form. 

I give my love energy to you, 

and I believe that,

someday I'll have and receive the same kind of energy,

even if it's not from you,

perhaps with better form, 

In a good time, 

with happiness, 

I will find my joy and I live in a peaceful life.

Honestly,

I long for a happy ending, 

with you,

but who knows that the actual happy ending for me is, 

even if our destiny couldn't meet, 

the happy ending probably knowing that I survived countless heartbreaks, unrequited loves, 

and I don't lose ability to love. 

And after every breaking, 

I wish I could realize that destiny has a different opinion, 

which doesn't resemble our dreams. 

ねえ、ねえ、あなたに会いたくて。

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life. It made us tend to do a routine without realizing what actually we're doing. 

Sometimes we're forced to drive back, to reassure things, like I once said to myself that it's extremely important to have better understanding on what I do. 

Thankfully this August offered a reprieve, a pause button that allowed me to delve deeper into my spirituality and reconnect with the essence of my faith. 

I'm trying to resemble how this month made me feel closer to God, not for any other intention, just as a sequence of my self-compassion. So that I learned the beauty of acceptance, and ignited a fresh spark of hope for the road ahead. 

···· Epiphany ····

noun. a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand, or suddenly become conscious of, something that is very important to you.

Sayonara...  さよなら

I'm taking a step to say a farewell, eventually. 

I'm certain now that I'll soon forget about you.. 

At first, I believed that releasing the grip of the moments we shared would be an uphill battle. 

(Of course it did, as they deeply influenced the way I felt about you). 

This belief was rooted in the notion that, I thought I had a place of myself inside you. 

What I didn't realize was that I was just another face in the crowd of friends you held, and our conversations, though meaningful, held only fleeting presence.

How foolish of me to tightly grasp onto all the small details you shared with me. 

In fact, it remains unreciprocated... Once again...

If you were to ask me, "How are you?" 

Here I am, in the midst of a struggle. 

Now, I have realized, eventually....

That's it's one sided feelings of me. 

As I embark on a journey through the fragments of memories that time is slowly erasing.

In a world where you and I were strangers, these recollections, now fading, carry whispers of emotions and stories that I'll soon forget.

Walk beside me through the corridors of reminiscence as I whole : 

A Farewell to Forgotten  

to moments that once held significance but now linger as distant echoes.

It's gradually taking root within me—the realization that the act of forgetting is not an abrupt severing of ties, but a gradual loosening of bonds.

These memories, while once tightly wound around my heart, are gently unraveling as I come to understand that I can't hold onto what was never truly mine to begin with. 

Goodbye, dear... 

I'm making space for new experiences, new connections, and ultimately, new growth. 

Well, yea It's a long and winding journey, but I'm stepping forward with the belief that as these echoes fade, I'm paving the way for a new harmony to emerge in the symphony of my life.

A year has danced by since our paths first intertwined, yet the space between us remains far.

As time has gone by, I've found myself eager to share various aspects of my life with you. 

You've always been such a great listener, showing eagerness to engage with my narratives. 

Your enjoyment in hearing my tales and even laughing at my weirdest jokes has been source of comfort. 

Yet, my feelings for you remain distant, like an unrequited affection. 

Yet, my feelings for you remain distant, like an unrequited affection. 

Amid these enjoyable interactions, there's a shared sense of contentment in our connection.

If it doesn't arise from personal desire, it's somewhat difficult to occur...

Or if it does happen, the outcome will be different...

Have you ever noticed that often, no matter how many times we try something, if we lack the intention, it becomes difficult to accomplish?

Uhmmm well.. That's absolutely true. Especially when it's related to emotions.

Could be any emotion... 

Can we be demanded to like something?

To forget someone a.k.a moving on?

To let go of your dreams?

Well... what else, huh...

If we're being forced, It's merely hard.... 

《Force : make (someone) do something against their will》

'"Just do whatever you want to do" (from a clip of a movie... sorry, I forgot the title, hehe).

Another example, for instance, is when we advise someone in various ways, even sometimes resorting to forcing them. 

It's because we feel like we know what's best for that person. 

Like parents advising their children; or older siblings advising younger ones; forcing you partner to be like ideal partner; and so on. 

Consequently, if someone feels coerced, they won't fully comply. It's not uncommon for people to become defiant when they feel their desires aren't being met and are instead forced to do things they dislike.

Well, that's probably it. Because there are times when we also feel that way, understanding how others should be, but at the same time not wanting to be dictated to...

However, indeed, sometimes circumstances force us to let go.

By the way... often, real-life examples are the most effective advice... rather than mere words.

Our sincere hearts don't want to let them go. 

It's often said that some people will stay, but they will eventually go. 

It hurts. 

You and I have perhaps experienced a lot of pain and loss when people leave our lives. 

In some cases, it will be a very traumatic experience for people, as the idea that we had a deep bond with someone we care about. 

And when that person decides to walk out of our life, we feel abandoned. 

And we could understand that these kinds of grief aren't the same. 

We don't meet people by accident. 

I believe that people don't meet by accident.

They come to us for the time being, and when their time's up, they need to go to another chapter of others people's life. 

At least, we all know that many relationships can change or end dramatically. 

So, we should wonder if it's worth using up our energy trying to understand other people's reason for going?

Instead, we can think that although people will not stay forever, they come across to help us grow. 

Their presence creates a lasting remark on us forever. 

There are so many memories that lie within ourselves from the people in the past. 

And it's somehow comforting to know there are so many lives you're still a part of that you have no idea about. 

There are some fragments which are entangled with all the people we've met. 

I hope that I can leave a lasting piece of myself in the people that I've loved and have loved me. 

This month a best friend of mine was holding her wedding ceremony. 

We're witnessing her sacred ritual, eventually. 

We seemed to know her love story as both the brides are the from the same major.

I got 50k for answering a quiz 😁

That's the first time after a long time we didn't see each other since our graduation farewell. 

This time, we're still the same, the same people years ago when we first begun our friendship. 

We're just the same people whose distance away us but our connection remains. 

We bring nostalgic moment from the past and somehow looking each others, that it's so much different. 

I'm not lying. We're still the same people, we're still the same person. 

It's just our ways are different. It's just our environment shape us into a better person. It's just we are together but bring our own stories. 

And what? 

Beside Agi (the bride), the idea of looking for partner has arising between us, among my best friends. However, we keep reminding each other, that

"If there is someone that ask you to lower your standards, don't! 

Marry the one who brings peace to your heart. 

It is the person who understands the calamity behind your silence. 

It is the one who is loyal, caring and envelope you with trust. 

Seems that we've reached the half of this year, eh?

I'm going to welcome this July with a new spirit. A new journey to embrace. 

It has been one of the greatest and most difficult months of my life. 

Yet, these past few months I learned a lot. 

I learned that in this world, everything is just temporary. 

Moments. Feelings. People. Flowers. Kindness. 

And you know, I want to know that love is an action. I learned that love is about giving—everything—and letting it hurt. 

Wait... what?

Hahaha, yea that is what I knew from my past experiences. 

I learned all the things come in twos :

Life and death.

Pain and joy. 

Sugar and salt. 

Me and you. 

It is the balance of universe.

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one”

― Rumi

We must learn to focus on warm energy, always. 

Soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world, for if we can't learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate parts of ourselves. 

*This post was inspired from Rupi Kaur. 

Apakah kamu sedang lelah?   Coba beristirahatlah sejenak....

疲れたとき、みなさんも空を、見上げてみましょうね☆ Ketika kamu lelah, lihatlah langit, lalu tersenyum.

Jika dalam menjalani hidup adakalanya terasa sangat berat, sehingga tak kuasa membendung tangis, maka beristirahatlah sebentar. 

Terkadang beban itu perlu dilepaskan sebentar, tidak untuk dipikul terus. 

Seringkali saat tubuh lelah, kita lebih mudah untuk mempertanyakan hal-hal yang seharusnya tidak perlu dipertanyakan. Membuat pikiran yang kalang kabut menjadi lebih kompleks. 

Berpikir dan terus berpikir, tentang masa depan, terbayang masa lalu, tapi sering melupakan masa kini. Masa kini yang seharusnya menjadi hadiah, karena today is a present. 

Jika saat ini kamu sedang mempertanyakan akan hal berat yang menimpamu hari ini. Beristirahatlah...

Mungkin lebih baik jangan terlalu mengharap kegembiraan pada hal yang belum terjadi. 

Berikan sedikit ruang untuk rasa kecewa.

Selalu lebih baik untuk mendapat kejutan daripada merasa kecewa. 

Di sisi lain, jangan terlalu takut pada hal yang belum terjadi. 

Sebab hal-hal yang aku takutkan belum tentu semenakutkan yang aku pikirkan. 

Dan, sesuatu yang menimpaku tidaklah tanpa alasan, meskipun aku belum tahu alasan itu sekarang. 

Karena setiap kejadian akan memberikan sebuah pelajaran. 

"Percayalah, di saat kamu ikhlas dengan keadaanmu, disitulah Allah SWT merencanakan kebahagiaan untukmu, Allah SWT mampu mengubah situasi paling terpuruk menjadi momen terbaik dalam hidupmu." - K.H. Maimoen Zubair

『上には上にがある』

"There's always something greater"