The Seeker

I want to start a trail for a personal journey in search of the meaning of life.

As part of the journey of life itself, I also know that this search will not reach its final point until the end of my life.

Imperfection is also a true characteristic of me, who is an ordinary human being.  Maybe there are many biases that I only want the truth for, but I hope there are also many meanings that I can use as a guide in facing various challenges in life.

Not only personal journeys, at various intersections there will be several people who enter, who have lived for a long time or just passed by and will later become part of this search.

Apart from all that, I am sure that in my search this time, I will find God at the beginning, middle and end of the journey.  Because God is where my goal comes from.

I'm looking forward for this long journey. 

Warm regards, 

The seeker

*Disclaimer: There might be some misses along the journey, however I'll gladly learn from mistakes. 

Who's God? Why do I live? 

I walk in a quiet place, dealing with life. 

I do what I need to do. 

Yet, I'm still dreaming. 

Because dreaming and believing are what keep me alive.

I walk in slow motion. 

In a way that only I and mystery know the answer. 

I choose to live with numerous "It's okay". With a life that consists of patience and  gratitude. 

It doesn't mean that I live freely or strictly.

You may question whether this the life that you want? Is this a life that you dream of? 

But it's true that life is a choice. 

But sometimes you don't have enough choices. 

Take life for granted as it life will teach you many things. 

It's not always something difficult; it can be in in the mundane and easy thing too. 

Who knows? 

I can taste my mother's cooking every day. 

I can smell her warm heart.

It's a mundane life in a fast-paced world.

I begin my day with a cup of coffee, which cost less than a cup of coffee you buy at a café. It tastes very ordinary. But I wonder, does the coffee you buy at a café tastes special?

I always wonder why, that the word "Goodbye" Must have 'good' on it. 

Where's the 'good' in goodbye? 

I heard that before life, soul will gather together and will reunite in the world. 

Did it happen to us? 

But why it can't last? 

Your picture 君なくて誠に多太の桜哉 Kimi nakute / makoto ni tada no / sakura kana Without you ー the cherry blossoms just blossom

I've been waiting for the time until I truly forget about us. 

I thought it's easier for me as the distances between us are far. 

It's likely about eight million of the light time. 

Is it called love? 

Or is it called lonely? 

I didn't talk to you anymore. 

And I haven't met the person who I think have the same vibe as yours. 

You, know.

I don't want to call the last picture you sent me as the last one. 

Because I'm still hoping, there's no goodbye between us. 

Because the beauty of plum blossom, cherry blossom, will just it, without your presence. 

It's well said that this month is full of love because there's a Valentine's Day in it, marked on the 14th of February. Hence, many people say about love. 

I don't understand what love is as there are so many definitions to express it. 

Love means to like somebody or something with all their heart. Sometimes love means the otherwise. 

Shirako Sakura by Mr Maruoka

They say we can't survive in this cruel world without love. 

We need something to calm us to make us feel enough, validated, and supported. 

We tend to longing for something that will accompany us to live. 

This is something that will make us feel attached to the things we love. 

I can also say that love can't last. 

Love is something that can increase and decrease. Sometimes is just like a fire that burns our hearts and spirits. 

It's also something that can make us feel depressed too. 

And, It can't last. 

I have heard a sentence about that too, that love can't last, for example in a marriage. 

For me, I think marriage is a big commitment of someone who love each other. But the thing is, it's also can happen between two people who don't love each other yet, but they have similar values and want to build a commitment to be together. 

In that case, it's usually said, that love can last for only a few years, in some cases, it lasts only a few months not even a year. 

It can happen otherwise. They begin their marriage because they share the same values and then they start to love each other even more. 

But, 

Sometimes it's easy for people to break up because they say, "Love is not exist anymore between us". But how if the scenario already been understood since the beginning, that in anyway love can't last. 

I can say that love can't last, but it turns out to be a stronger form, which is affection and mercy. 

In every relationships, affection and mercy can become the sources of the secret recipe for lasting relationship. 

In affection and mercy, this love already change into another great form. 

It needs some effort for making it sustain. It needs patience, compromise, understanding and action. 

Therefore, is that love still can't last? 

No, it can't. 

Love can be disappeared. Love can disappointed us. 

But, in another form, Love can last. 

Happily ever after. 

But, there's the lasting love which is no human being can't do. 

This is love from God. 

Dear ある人

How is it going in your life ? 

I hope it's good, always. 

Today, mark as the day of iron-nikel birthday on earth. 

By her name, she wants to be a strong but flexible person. 

She's the one who's always trying to improve herself, even though she sometimes can't handle her own thoughts. 

She said that she's like a flower, who believe that she will bloom in her own time. 

She's so naive, sometimes heartwarming, sometimes careless. She like talk a lot but in small number of people, who are close to her. 

She's so cute (her own thoughts only btw).

When is your birthday? 

I wished I knew it. I want to suprise you and make yourself as the happiest person on earth. 

Do you have favourite foods ? 

I wished I could treat you your favourite foods. Or cooked you the best meals I could make. 

But,... 

Sometimes I don't want to grow older because I realized that many people go. 

I want to freeze the time, when we're sharing moments together. 

How's your job? Do you have a hard day? 

I wished I was there for you, near you, beside you. 

I'm in the journey to know myself more and focus on my goals...... 

Do you sometimes feel confused too?

I wish we could discussed together, sharing serious to small talks topics. 

Did you okay? Sometimes catched a cold?

I wished I could take care you well. I wish to give you my warmest hug and you'll feel safe nowhere else beside with me. 

At this time, I felt so lost.. 

I want to have wide experiences but some limitations push me back. 

But, I hope I will be strong as my name. 

I think the things that I've told you, is too much isn't? 

I keep bragging all the things without filter and meanwhile I'm not knowing much about you. 

I'm just selfish for sharing all the things I felt, I did, and my personal thoughts. 

I wish I know more about you.

I wish I knew more about you. 

I wish I'll always knowing more about you. 

And push me not wanting all it again is difficult...

So,

I would like to say thank you for all of this time, being with me. Hear me, or just being there. 

I wish this Last Letter of me would arrive to you safely. 

I wish you could weather any storms. 

I wish you and beloved one happy. 

I hope you—who—is—separated—by—more—than—eight million light times—who I can't meet, who I can't touch, will have brighter future. 

Will you remember me? 

Will I remember you? 

The parts of you live inside of me. 

The parts of your words, moments, and pictures you sent me, always become good memories. 

Sayonara, ある人. 

Could I say 『 I love you』 for the last time? 

I love you. 

Yours 

(now I'm even losing my name—it was getting shorter and shorter all the time and is now : 

Yours)

Photo by Mr Syuji

Love. 

I think we need not an explanation about this. 

It can come suddenly without a notice,  

sometimes we are late to realize this kind of feeling, 

but the above-all situation made us can't sleep well, made us crave the meeting, and forced us to change our perceptions sometimes. 

Every time, we think about that person we feel peace in our hearts. 

We can't be thankful enough for how this feeling arrived. However, there's a longing heart that stays there and needs to be fulfilled. 

A short poem by Ishikawa Takuboku

Dear, the one who is separated by more than eight million light time. 

Which is no one of human being can live at that long time.

Dear someone whose name remains secret. 

I've been trying to find a new way. In my long research, I want to tell you that, finally 

I have a secret recipes for the the way to unlove you.

They say that is to not curious with what you're up to,

Is not to reach you, 

Is not to think of you. 

But, we both know that distance is our friend. 

We have befriend with distance since our first encounter. 

I for this is too fluent whenever I crave to meet you. 

For I am too fluent to imagine if I can flip the distance. 

I for all the past time, can't predict how you will be able to get through my heart. 

You touch my stone hard. 

You did that. 

With distance too,  it'll be easier to unlove you. 

I'm sorry, I like you, I'm sorry, I think I will use distance to forget you. 

I will not reaching you. 

I will not bothering you. 

I will keep silence. 

I will buried up my wanting to meet you. 

Until the time, distance can help me to unlove you. 

If the day come, I'll come to you

Then, would you be my friend again? 

Will it ever be the same again and how we both have the joy of a conversation? 

 君のいない11月

Photo by M

November without you just like a year without autumn.  Could've been this becoming a right moment to forget you..... eventually ? 

 君のいない11月— November without you

What are you doing now? 

Are you eating well? 

Does your new work treat you well? 

This silence November without your talk feels so empty. It feels like a year without autumn, where the beauty of changing colors fades away unnoticed. The usual warm from our exchange thoughts has given away to a sudden chill— just like a summer suddenly changes into a cold winter. 

This whole month is pretty tough for me, wondering the moments we're not sharing, and each unwritten messages becomes a fallen leaf, a reminder of the conversations suspended in the air. 

I'm still falling out of love with you... 

After all this time, I'm still feeling this kind of love. And I know that this is just my imagination.

Just an imaginative thought which ensures me that probably, you just could be with me. 

I couldn't bear to wait even just an hour to talk to you, 

but this time is among the longest time I didn't hear anything from you. 

Finally, was  our last conversation marked as a goodbye. 'though I couldn't call that as a goodbye. As I only remembered about your wishes, my wishes too. 

Dear you, is it really real?

But then, I realized, 

With our distances, just like me as person of the earth and you're the star,

With our gaps, just like me as the moon and you're the sun,

With our differences, 

With our circumstances. 

I don't have any idea what are you doing right now. 

I believe you're in the safest place. 

I want you to drink your nice warm tea when the weather is cold. 

I want you to be the 'only one' at your work. 

I want you to be loved. 

Such are the things, when the colors seems fade away.... in nothingness. 

In your absence, I can't barely ready to face to coldness of this world. 

Without you,

I'm nothing. 

Currently I'm learning a new phrase. Well, I'm not really good at it but this I think already describes my current feelings. 

• 寂しい：lonely
• くなるね：it's going to be
• 寂しくなるね：I'll miss you

It's likely that I'll feeling so lonely if you're not here, if we're not talking to each other, that's why I'll miss you is the best word to say that. 

I thought that would be slowly faded away

As I thought that was the last time we talked without goodbye 

Lasting remarkable story  what I called love

'tough this kind of love is what it's said unreciprocated 

For I 

Fallen too profound

In the one sided feelings

That I'm the deep down still craving memories

That I can't lies

I'm still writing letters for you,

In which it's being redirected within the time when we could arrange a viewing at least

By this unsent letters 

I could say what I want to say, 

Every letters looks like calligraphy, don't you think so?

These are all unsent letters also a sign 

I'm still falling out of love with you

As for now, we have came to the point where a distance which must be covered for millions of light years.

I know

You must be knowing more than me

It's a distance that cannot be covered in our lifetime as humans. 

"It is not the sun catch up with the moon, nor does the night outrun the day. Each is traveling in an orbit of their own." 36:40.

Even in the same galaxy but separated in their own orbit of light.

But I'm still hoping you'll write to me,

I'm still hoping you'll have a feelings for me...

Is it too much? 

A light in Paris. Photo by H.

Looking back, I think we're all living a life where we transition from one "it's ok" to another "it's ok". 

It's ok to not feeling ok. 

It's ok to feel broke for awhile. Mostly hardship are coming towards our way. It doesn't matter what day it is, it can be happening at any day. It's  a normal feeling to be sad. However, we gotta clue, 'that every hardship comes ease'. 

It's ok to have a pause. 

Sometimes life seems like a race, but don't be consumed by this. Why rushing? It's ok to be where you are now. It's a feeling where we feel can't reach specific milestone. With a pause, we can get recharged and be ready for the next journeys.

It's ok to let go. 

We can give our best efforts for something. However, it seems that we can't force to have everything we wish, we can't force someone to stay, we need to let go.

It's ok to move on. 

Don't let the past hinder our progress. It's the time to move on, to welcome new experiences. 

It's ok to feel sad. 

It's ok, just try a little bit harder day by day. We're a human with all of these weaknesses, we're human who can't foresee the future, 

How if we already know that we can't fail, don't this make us too reckless? 

 大丈夫だよ～✨

Do we live on a race? 

Are we truly living, or are we merely racing through it?

This September was the moment of quiet reflection within my own thought. 

It's sad but well said. This is a bittersweet realization because I was on a battle within my self, actually... 

There's a moment when I was feeling sad,  but then September whispered its wisdom. It reminded me that it's okay to have a pause. 

It taught me to embrace the nature of my self, so that I've decided that I will dancing to my own tune and just being me. 

Well, it's true that life seems like a race. Life can sometime expect us to follow the crowd. 

We're often told to do things in certain ways, to achieve certain milestones by specific ages, to fit in particular boxes, and march to someone's else beat. 

But,  I'm trying to let my self in a ''POMO'' (Pleasure of Missing Out) mode. 

Well, not saying that I'll leave all the social media off nor disappearing into a solitary place. It's just everything in between, about finding a balance as I'll not let my life be consumed by the fear of missing out.  

 So, I've decided that

 

The lesson I've learnt from people I admire is, they stay true to themselves.

 

Living authentically will lead me to hear the rhythm of my own's heart. 

In this kind of meaning, I'll try to recognize what I love, what I dream of, and where I want to go, and then just going for it. 

It's okay to be where I am now. 

For nothing is truly too late nor too early. 

It's not about being perfect, but it's about enjoying the dance while I'm dancing on my own tune. 

It's a journey of self-discovery, one step at a time.