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Jumat, Agustus 16, 2024

Little Things That Aren't Little
Agustus 16, 20240 Comments

I was a bit surprised. 

Not so long ago, I got a reminder in my calendar, 

『Try a thing you haven't tried, go to a place you have never been』

Little did I know that my unconscious minds were programmed once I wrote that reminder in the first place. I didn't remember exactly when I made that reminder. 

Surprisingly, it becomes a sign for me to always live my life. Well, it's not only about fame, wealth, or materialistic things. It's about how I feel a peaceful life with gratefulness

I know that the storms are always coming and sometimes we can't get what we want. 

However, making a manifestation about what we want to be is a little effort that will lead us to reach our goals. 


Thus, it makes me want to share some of my journey in learning Japanese. If I make a title, it would be "How Learning Japanese Transformed Me"


Why do I learn Japanese? 


I learn Japanese just because. 

いや、うそでしょ!!」


Hahaha! No, I'm not kidding. A long time ago, when I was in elementary school, I remembered my first celebrity crush was a character from Tokyo Drift, Han Lue. Long story short I got crazy with Japan because of that (Even though I grew up with Japanese animations which aired on TV, such as Doraemon, Crayon Shin-chan, Detective Conan, etc). 


However, little Feni didn't know much about Japan, only having imagination about this beautiful country without any further research about it. I also didn't have a chance to learn Japanese in high school due to the Deutsch subject that I must have. 


Well, during college, I had a very busy schedule and just happened to learn Japanese a little with my German. But no improvement and stuck and simple conversation without knowing how to read the alphabet, yet I didn't do much and paused my learning for a long time... 


Then, yup! Despite the routines and workload I had to endure during my adult life, I felt something was missing. I craved for something outside my work. 


This led me to gain new experiences by making friends as many as possible. I was exchanging letters with some pen pals, and I'll let you know that, even though the encounter was short, I gained new perspectives from them, and  eventually has impact on me, which led me to learn Japanese. 


Photos sent by pals


Self-Acceptance

Exchanging perspectives more deeply, such as sharing viewpoints with strangers, makes my life brighter. There's a willingness to show my culture; well, it's unconsciously made me learn more about it. Before, I less appreciated what I had. However, it turned out to be, Yeah, my life, my home country, my culture aren't perfect, but all of them are beautiful. Just like the way I adore other countries. The diversity makes it even more beautiful. 


Without hesitation, I will learn my tradition and want the world to know, too, about our uniqueness, which may be different from what they have. Then, it was also encourage me to travel around nearby towns and see what I have here. 


I think this simple thing has led me to be grateful for what I have. I tend to compare myself with my friend's achievements, and I rush to get what I want but do not understand what my capabilities are. By doing things such as learning about my culture, exploring nearby towns, improving my skills, enjoying my hobbies and exchanging perspectives with the world... Slowly, my life changed in a better way.

 「I try to focus on what I have, rather than what's not I have」


On The Process of Learning Japanese


Long-life learning seemed to echo in my mind. I also knew that I couldn't just stand to let myself (or it's my mind) lie down. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I like studying. I also found out that my former college friends and strangers who I met, having the same vibes as me, never stopped learning. Well, my profession can't let me take a rest tho', I should always join CPD and seminars, lol 😁. 


However, it looks like starting new things, like new hobbies, is easier compared to making it sustainable. Consistency is the best way. But, just being consistent isn't enough. We know that we have an abundance of resources on YouTube, the internet, books, etc, but I can't maintain what should I grab in for certain times, sometimes I felt too much information, yet I couldn't make a conclusion, this is what I remembered from my religion teacher: you need a teacher for studying. 


I tried to meet many people on language apps, to see whether I'll find a study partner or not. But it's difficult to look for a kindred spirit. Everyone is busy with their schedule. Although a short encounter with them also motivated me to learn more, they're all great learners as they're focused on their goals and found effective ways to learn their target languages. I also met some native speakers along the way. Some of them encouraged me to stay motivated in learning Japanese. 

Long story short, I found a native Japanese who is willingly teaching me Japanese online. For the very first time, I was nervous. I haven't thinking about learning Japanese intensely, only going with the flow. I was hesitant whether I could manage to do it or not. However, learning Japanese itself is a challenge already; why I'm not continuing to do it seriously?

Then, Yeaaa It's been around 6 months already since my learning had started. I really appreciated for him making time to teach me Japanese. 


The First Package from afar (I got from my teacher, Maruoka sensei) 



Almost every once a week, we do the class online. I was very surprised that teacher gives me detailed information, resources, and explanation along the studies. I can learn Japanese in a better way. During the lesson, I also really happy because I can see Japan, my dream country, directly from his perspective. 

A beautiful scenery sent by my teacher


I made many mistakes. Of course. 
I need to be good at managing my time while still understand the lesson. It's required patience to learn a language, after all. Naturally, it taught me resilience, I can delve deeper that making mistakes during learning process is okay. By doing so, I became more forgiving of my own imperfections. 


Although it's hard, I can feel small sense of victory. It's for example when I can understand my teacher speaking in Japanese, or catching some words on Animes and doramas I watch, and little bit understanding my favorite Japanese songs, even begun to sing it. These moments are small but a reminder for of how far I had come. 


Little Things That Aren't A Little

I came to think that, every encounter with people, isn't by accident. In the end, it leads me towards myself. I learned more about myself. I learned to be grateful with what I have, I learned to focus on my goals rather than comparing myself with people, I learned that people come and go, so I should appreciate while they're surround me, especially my families and friends. 


Even I already notice that many people come and go, I'm not afraid of opening new friendship, networks, and beyond. Along the way, there are always inspiring people who introduce me for new musics, foods, even new fields I don't familiar with. Their support make me realize that, 

 「Learning is not a solitary journey but one the thrives on connection」




Japanese foods and store


The journey of learning process doesn't always count as single and direct goals. We never know what will happen in the future. I never know that there are many beautiful things await me. There are still many places to visit, many people to meet, many stories to unfold, many opportunities to try, and many things to do. But, I should keep in mind that, in the end, these are all leading into knowing myself. 


So, it's okay to do little things every day, to make a small movement, to sometimes get a pause, and at certain times you can try to run, yes, it's beautiful, it will always beautiful... 




Reading Time:

Minggu, Agustus 11, 2024

I Just
Agustus 11, 20240 Comments

I just want to be loved

What I want is to be a special person for someone

Is it too much?


I wish I could be just enough 
no, not for everyone,
only one for you

Can I find this someone?




The one who makes me feel where I belong
Like sunshine, star, and moon
The one who can dance with; sit in silence with; eat with
The one that makes me feel loved

There is a desire to wish for a love who feels like coming home after a long trip

And I want to be a home for you too



I know, dear...

It's not easy to be together, as we may suffer from something, 
Something that even we couldn't know it
But I will always hope that both of us are willing to stay committed
to understand; to compromise; to grow together
and will never let ego and pride ruin it

Let me tell you, 
I love you

Let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences
Oh, it's true, yes
even before we meet, 
I will be able to say the same words again, 
I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly


One day
You, a beautiful person with soft eyes 
will gaze at me steadily
with warmth soul 
who brings comfort 




Reading Time:

Sabtu, Agustus 10, 2024

Unfold
Agustus 10, 20240 Comments
Where am I? 


It's true that I don't know where exactly I am going or what kind of roads I will take. 

I can't know where this journey that I am now will take me. 

The story unfolds. 


When you're asking me, where am I in a day, a week, a year? 
I could barely answer it, because I don't know what is going to happen to me. 

It's similar to how I feel every day in my work, I can't really tell what cases I will face in each appointment. 

This tells me that I totally have no idea about the path ahead of me. 





But, 
I know exactly where I am to be. 


I truly believe that everything which is meant for me, won't miss me. 


It's not a sign to give up, in contrast, it helps me to realize that every beat of my heart, every breath, every action is priceless.

At this moment, I will try to stay focused on being a better version of myself.

I got to dig deeper into little things on every page that is now being written. 

This is how I will learn to believe, there are so many things I haven't been, yet beautiful. 

I can feel something beautiful is slowly unfolding, 
I just need to believe and stay true. 

And you know, dear me, the secret recipes above all are, to keep going, enjoy the moment, and always be grateful :)





Reading Time:

Rabu, Juli 24, 2024

カリムンジャワ(Karimunjawa)に 行きました
Juli 24, 20240 Comments

カリムンジャワ(Karimunjawa)に 行きました


今日は私の『カリムンジャワ(Karimunjawa)』での旅行(りょこう)に ついて 書きたいと 思います。

先週、『カリムンジャワ』旅行に 行って いました。

カリムンジャワ島は ジャワ島の 北(きた)に 位置(いち)します。

その旅行は 四日間ぐらいでした。

木曜日に、友達が ジャカルタ(Jakarta)から 私の町まで 来ました。名前は ディナさんです。

私たちは 長(なが)い間(あいだ)会(あ)って いませんでした。

「お久しぶり」とディナさんに 言いました。

そして、二人で一緒(いっしょ)に ジェパラに 行きました。

ジェパラには 友達がいます。名前は サラスさんです。

サラスさんの家に 泊(と)まりました。

貝(かい)と魚を食べました。

その食べ物は めっちゃ美味しかったです。


 金曜日の朝に フェリーで ジェパラから カリムンジャワまで 行きました。




5時間 ぐらい かかりました。

海の真ん中で怖かったけど気持ちよかったです。

ホームステイに 来ました。

休暇中は このホームステイに 泊まりました。

カリムンジャワには 美しいビーチが たくさんあります。

とても 綺麗(きれい) でした。

ゆっくりした 時間を すごす ことが できました。

写真を たくさん 撮り(とり)ました。






ココナッツウォーターを 飲みました。

私が、「癒されたと思う」と言いました。よかったです!


可愛い喫茶店(きっさてん)で よるごはんを 食べました。

土曜日の朝に 町へ 散歩(さんぽ)しました。

そして、別のビーチに 行きました。ここも 綺麗でした。写真も たくさん 撮りました。

食べたあとは シュノーケリングをしました。

ワクワクしました!

ふねで シュノーケリングへ 行きました。

景色(けしき)は 青かったです。綺麗な景色です!




びっくりしました! 海の下の景色の ほうがよかったです! すごい ですね!


たくさんの サンゴや魚 などが 見えました。




なんといっても それは とても ウキウキしました!




***This journal contains the longest sentences I've written so far in my Japanese language journey. Thanks for T who helping me revising it.


Reading Time:

Rabu, Juni 26, 2024

There is Always Hope
Juni 26, 2024 2 Comments
Here I stand in the port area where I just stand still

The wind, gently touches my soul 

I could feel the gentle waves kissing the shore
Whispering hello and goodbye 

"We might be laid back in terms"

I have nothing to lose when I continue to believe that one day I will grasp it.

I will achieve something that I've been dreaming of. 

The more I know, I think there's no place to escape or run . We all need to face the challenges, and there's no way to stand with nothing.

Please, allow yourself to stand. 
To navigate where your values are going. 

No one is going to take care of you; they live with their burdens too.

Dear, gentle soul, if you keep asking, "Why me?" 
It's because you are capable. You can do it. 

There are challenges at every level of life, and you're at a level where you are capable of handling any of them.



Yakatabune, Hiroshima, Photo by とも


I know, sometimes it's just enough for you. 
It's tough, you can barely endure it. 
You desire a pause, 
A break from whatever it is! 

Hold on tight! 
Hold on a little longer! 

Look at the ships that carry the spirit 
"There's always hope" 

They face tumultuous journeys, through storms, and have been away from shores. 

They serve as a powerful reminder for us to embrace hope and believe that a brighter tomorrow awaits. 

In the history of Hiroshima, there's a beauty reflection, after devastation. 
From the past of destruction, the broken buildings, the numbers of deaths, the Oleander blossoms. 

The beauty and resilient of Oleander showing life can be rebuilt after darkness, 

Reminds us once again, 
That "There's always  hope". 




***
夾竹桃 (Kyōchikutō) is the Japanese term for oleander. This plant is known for its ability to bloom even in harsh conditions. 
After the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, the oleander was one of the first plants to bloom again, symbolizing resilience and hope. 

A yakatabune (屋形船)  is a Japanese-style pleasure boat with a roof and a tatami-matted floor. Historically these small boats were used by the upper-class to enjoy banquets and meals while sailing a river.

Reading Time:

Senin, Juni 03, 2024

何回でも・・
Juni 03, 2024 2 Comments

Life presents challenges at every level.

If you have found a great supporter already, don't forget to thank them.


何回でも・・・  ずっと応援するからね!
No matter how many times... I'll always support you!


If you haven't found one yet, go look for support, and find help. 

And please be your own best supporter.


In frame : 

ちいかわ/ Netflix 

A friend recommended me, and I liked it right away. The simple stories and awesome characters, also the high level of cuteness help me increase my mood ☺


Reading Time:

Minggu, Juni 02, 2024

We'll Figure it out
Juni 02, 20240 Comments
Confusion can linger for who knows how long. We are still in the process, maybe making small progress or feeling stuck on certain points. 

Whatever it is, trust the process.

We are striving to reach certain goals and values, defining success, failure, happiness, and fulfillment as part of being humans. 





It's a beautiful way to approach every trial and error. 
To make it feels right, to adjust within society, norms and religious aspects. 

This is where the standpoint "This is my first life" comes in. 

「It's my first time being a daughter, a citizen, a parent, etc.」


The exact things that we know is, we're capable any of the challenges as we know that we're having those based on our stages of life. 

Don't be afraid if you're having no ideas about what's that all about. 
Just be like a traveler, who is aware of unexpected things but aware of the destiny he will reach. 


You don't need a perfect plan to start. Sometimes you just have to begin with what you have and trust that you will figure things out along the way.
Reading Time:

Selasa, Mei 28, 2024

To This Girl
Mei 28, 20240 Comments

To the incredible girl who's standing up there, 

If no one is no longer telling you how awesome you are, 

I will. 


You're just absolutely awesome just the way you are ♡





The way you perceive the world reflects your unique outlook. 

Kindness radiates from your presence and the way you interpret the world. 


Every time I had doubts, I realized that pretending to be strong all the time was impossible. 


The passionate girl I once looked down upon, now I see you standing strong. 

You have withered any storm that comes your way.


If you need to rest, take that time, because you are the standard. 


You are meant to be loved, and you are worth it. 


It's okay to question your path, and your actions, and take pauses along the way. 

It's okay to be cautious, to grieve, to react strongly. 


Let things flow as they may. 





♪ Rayuan Perempuan Gila - Nadine Amizah
This song is special for me. Through this song, Nadine defines a woman who can have the freedom to express herself, courage, and struggle, as well as an image of a woman who has succeeded in accepting herself.
Reading Time:

Senin, Mei 27, 2024

I Wonder
Mei 27, 20240 Comments

Time flies,

I've seen sorrow and happiness come and go. 

I've seen people walk in and out of my life. 

I've seen seasons changing over time.


Gradually, 

I've come to think of mistakes as something that let me grow. 

I've come to think about the correct amount of worry let me prepare for the next challenges. 

I've come to think the past is something that can't be changed, the future is something that I can't see, and my present day is a gift. 



Yogyakarta, 2024



I wonder, 

There's something that stands still. 
There's also something that keeps changing. 

In some cases, I need to open the bridge between my mind and the world, 
So that I can see it deeply. 


With the night comes the day, 
With the beauty of mountains, 
With the birds that sing beautifully, 
With the moon has many faces, which actually, remain the same. 

I see the beauty of waiting, but I also see the beauty of growing. 


The remainder goes within, 
I can perceive something through them. 
Reading Time:

Jumat, April 26, 2024

A Long Journey
April 26, 20240 Comments

The Seeker

I want to start a trail for a personal journey in search of the meaning of life.

As part of the journey of life itself, I also know that this search will not reach its final point until the end of my life.

Imperfection is also a true characteristic of me, who is an ordinary human being.  Maybe there are many biases that I only want the truth for, but I hope there are also many meanings that I can use as a guide in facing various challenges in life.



Not only personal journeys, at various intersections there will be several people who enter, who have lived for a long time or just passed by and will later become part of this search.


Apart from all that, I am sure that in my search this time, I will find God at the beginning, middle and end of the journey.  Because God is where my goal comes from.


I'm looking forward for this long journey. 

Warm regards, 

The seeker


*Disclaimer: There might be some misses along the journey, however I'll gladly learn from mistakes. 

 

Who's God? Why do I live? 

Reading Time:

Rabu, April 10, 2024

Distant Thing
April 10, 20240 Comments
I'm waiting without expectation
With no clue of your arrival
Will you come my way
Or have the will to just passing by

I know you're not forever
With imperfections and charms
Which built you
Become YOU 

I think I like distant things,
I like the stars, the sky, 
I like the moon, 
I like you. 

I find solace in you
In the warmth of your presence
In the depth of your soul
In the way you make me feel whole



Photo by Maruoka Sensei



With bonus of Tanka by Sasai Hiroyuki translated by ねりけし

あすひらく花の名前を簡潔に未来と呼 べばふくらむ蕾

If you briefly call the name of the flower that will open tomorrow "future," the bud will swell.



凍らねばならぬ運命(さだめ)を分かち あふ如月 われとわれのみづうみ

It is February when I and the lake share the fate of having to freeze.



感情のまぶたにそっとゆびをおく救 われるのはいつも私だ

I gently place my finger on the eyelid of emotion. It is always me who is saved.

※日本の2月は寒くて、地域によって は湖が凍ります。




Reading Time:

Selasa, April 09, 2024

カタオモイ
April 09, 20240 Comments

It's been this long, been here again, 
But falling once more. 


The eraser doesn't seem to work well;
I can't seem to erase all the good feelings
I once had for you. 


さくら by Maruoka Sensei


I still grateful for this love

Just I can't compel the falling petals
To defy gravity's pull. 

'Cause 
Do you know what I afraid more than being in one sided love? 

It is being betrayed. 



*片想い (かたおもい/ カタオモイ) : Unrequited Love 
Reading Time:

Sabtu, Maret 09, 2024

In a Fast World
Maret 09, 20240 Comments




In the fast-pace world, I walk slowly. 

I walk in a quiet place, dealing with life. 

I do what I need to do. 

Yet, I'm still dreaming. 

Because dreaming and believing are what keep me alive.


I walk in slow motion. 

In a way that only I and mystery know the answer. 


I choose to live with numerous "It's okay". With a life that consists of patience and  gratitude. 


It doesn't mean that I live freely or strictly.


You may question whether this the life that you want? Is this a life that you dream of? 

But it's true that life is a choice. 

But sometimes you don't have enough choices. 


Take life for granted as it life will teach you many things. 


It's not always something difficult; it can be in in the mundane and easy thing too. 

Who knows? 


I can taste my mother's cooking every day. 

I can smell her warm heart.

It's a mundane life in a fast-paced world.


I begin my day with a cup of coffee, which cost less than a cup of coffee you buy at a café. It tastes very ordinary. But I wonder, does the coffee you buy at a café tastes special?




Reading Time:

Jumat, Maret 08, 2024

How If There's No Goodbye
Maret 08, 2024 2 Comments

I always wonder why, that the word "Goodbye" Must have 'good' on it. 

Where's the 'good' in goodbye? 


I heard that before life, soul will gather together and will reunite in the world. 

Did it happen to us? 

But why it can't last? 



Your picture
君なくて誠に多太の桜哉
Kimi nakute / makoto ni tada no / sakura kana
Without you ー the cherry blossoms just blossom

I've been waiting for the time until I truly forget about us. 

I thought it's easier for me as the distances between us are far. 

It's likely about eight million of the light time. 

Is it called love? 

Or is it called lonely? 


I didn't talk to you anymore. 

And I haven't met the person who I think have the same vibe as yours. 


You, know.

I don't want to call the last picture you sent me as the last one. 

Because I'm still hoping, there's no goodbye between us. 

Because the beauty of plum blossom, cherry blossom, will just it, without your presence. 

Reading Time:

Kamis, Februari 15, 2024

Love Can't Last
Februari 15, 2024 2 Comments

It's well said that this month is full of love because there's a Valentine's Day in it, marked on the 14th of February. Hence, many people say about love. 

I don't understand what love is as there are so many definitions to express it. 

Love means to like somebody or something with all their heart. Sometimes love means the otherwise. 


Shirako Sakura by Mr Maruoka

They say we can't survive in this cruel world without love. 

We need something to calm us to make us feel enough, validated, and supported. 

We tend to longing for something that will accompany us to live. 

This is something that will make us feel attached to the things we love. 



I can also say that love can't last

Love is something that can increase and decrease. Sometimes is just like a fire that burns our hearts and spirits. 

It's also something that can make us feel depressed too. 

And, It can't last. 


I have heard a sentence about that too, that love can't last, for example in a marriage. 

For me, I think marriage is a big commitment of someone who love each other. But the thing is, it's also can happen between two people who don't love each other yet, but they have similar values and want to build a commitment to be together. 

In that case, it's usually said, that love can last for only a few years, in some cases, it lasts only a few months not even a year. 

It can happen otherwise. They begin their marriage because they share the same values and then they start to love each other even more. 


But, 

Sometimes it's easy for people to break up because they say, "Love is not exist anymore between us". But how if the scenario already been understood since the beginning, that in anyway love can't last. 


I can say that love can't last, but it turns out to be a stronger form, which is affection and mercy. 


In every relationships, affection and mercy can become the sources of the secret recipe for lasting relationship. 

In affection and mercy, this love already change into another great form. 

It needs some effort for making it sustain. It needs patience, compromise, understanding and action. 

Therefore, is that love still can't last? 


No, it can't. 

Love can be disappeared. Love can disappointed us. 

But, in another form, Love can last. 

Happily ever after. 


But, there's the lasting love which is no human being can't do. 

This is love from God. 







Reading Time:

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