Sayonara...  さよなら

I'm taking a step to say a farewell, eventually. 

I'm certain now that I'll soon forget about you.. 

At first, I believed that releasing the grip of the moments we shared would be an uphill battle. 

(Of course it did, as they deeply influenced the way I felt about you). 

This belief was rooted in the notion that, I thought I had a place of myself inside you. 

What I didn't realize was that I was just another face in the crowd of friends you held, and our conversations, though meaningful, held only fleeting presence.

How foolish of me to tightly grasp onto all the small details you shared with me. 

In fact, it remains unreciprocated... Once again...

If you were to ask me, "How are you?" 

Here I am, in the midst of a struggle. 

Now, I have realized, eventually....

That's it's one sided feelings of me. 

As I embark on a journey through the fragments of memories that time is slowly erasing.

In a world where you and I were strangers, these recollections, now fading, carry whispers of emotions and stories that I'll soon forget.

Walk beside me through the corridors of reminiscence as I whole : 

A Farewell to Forgotten  

to moments that once held significance but now linger as distant echoes.

It's gradually taking root within me—the realization that the act of forgetting is not an abrupt severing of ties, but a gradual loosening of bonds.

These memories, while once tightly wound around my heart, are gently unraveling as I come to understand that I can't hold onto what was never truly mine to begin with. 

Goodbye, dear... 

I'm making space for new experiences, new connections, and ultimately, new growth. 

Well, yea It's a long and winding journey, but I'm stepping forward with the belief that as these echoes fade, I'm paving the way for a new harmony to emerge in the symphony of my life.

A year has danced by since our paths first intertwined, yet the space between us remains far.

As time has gone by, I've found myself eager to share various aspects of my life with you. 

You've always been such a great listener, showing eagerness to engage with my narratives. 

Your enjoyment in hearing my tales and even laughing at my weirdest jokes has been source of comfort. 

Yet, my feelings for you remain distant, like an unrequited affection. 

Yet, my feelings for you remain distant, like an unrequited affection. 

Amid these enjoyable interactions, there's a shared sense of contentment in our connection.

If it doesn't arise from personal desire, it's somewhat difficult to occur...

Or if it does happen, the outcome will be different...

Have you ever noticed that often, no matter how many times we try something, if we lack the intention, it becomes difficult to accomplish?

Uhmmm well.. That's absolutely true. Especially when it's related to emotions.

Could be any emotion... 

Can we be demanded to like something?

To forget someone a.k.a moving on?

To let go of your dreams?

Well... what else, huh...

If we're being forced, It's merely hard.... 

《Force : make (someone) do something against their will》

'"Just do whatever you want to do" (from a clip of a movie... sorry, I forgot the title, hehe).

Another example, for instance, is when we advise someone in various ways, even sometimes resorting to forcing them. 

It's because we feel like we know what's best for that person. 

Like parents advising their children; or older siblings advising younger ones; forcing you partner to be like ideal partner; and so on. 

Consequently, if someone feels coerced, they won't fully comply. It's not uncommon for people to become defiant when they feel their desires aren't being met and are instead forced to do things they dislike.

Well, that's probably it. Because there are times when we also feel that way, understanding how others should be, but at the same time not wanting to be dictated to...

However, indeed, sometimes circumstances force us to let go.

By the way... often, real-life examples are the most effective advice... rather than mere words.

Our sincere hearts don't want to let them go. 

It's often said that some people will stay, but they will eventually go. 

It hurts. 

You and I have perhaps experienced a lot of pain and loss when people leave our lives. 

In some cases, it will be a very traumatic experience for people, as the idea that we had a deep bond with someone we care about. 

And when that person decides to walk out of our life, we feel abandoned. 

And we could understand that these kinds of grief aren't the same. 

We don't meet people by accident. 

I believe that people don't meet by accident.

They come to us for the time being, and when their time's up, they need to go to another chapter of others people's life. 

At least, we all know that many relationships can change or end dramatically. 

So, we should wonder if it's worth using up our energy trying to understand other people's reason for going?

Instead, we can think that although people will not stay forever, they come across to help us grow. 

Their presence creates a lasting remark on us forever. 

There are so many memories that lie within ourselves from the people in the past. 

And it's somehow comforting to know there are so many lives you're still a part of that you have no idea about. 

There are some fragments which are entangled with all the people we've met. 

I hope that I can leave a lasting piece of myself in the people that I've loved and have loved me. 

This month a best friend of mine was holding her wedding ceremony. 

We're witnessing her sacred ritual, eventually. 

We seemed to know her love story as both the brides are the from the same major.

I got 50k for answering a quiz 😁

That's the first time after a long time we didn't see each other since our graduation farewell. 

This time, we're still the same, the same people years ago when we first begun our friendship. 

We're just the same people whose distance away us but our connection remains. 

We bring nostalgic moment from the past and somehow looking each others, that it's so much different. 

I'm not lying. We're still the same people, we're still the same person. 

It's just our ways are different. It's just our environment shape us into a better person. It's just we are together but bring our own stories. 

And what? 

Beside Agi (the bride), the idea of looking for partner has arising between us, among my best friends. However, we keep reminding each other, that

"If there is someone that ask you to lower your standards, don't! 

Marry the one who brings peace to your heart. 

It is the person who understands the calamity behind your silence. 

It is the one who is loyal, caring and envelope you with trust. 

Seems that we've reached the half of this year, eh?

I'm going to welcome this July with a new spirit. A new journey to embrace. 

It has been one of the greatest and most difficult months of my life. 

Yet, these past few months I learned a lot. 

I learned that in this world, everything is just temporary. 

Moments. Feelings. People. Flowers. Kindness. 

And you know, I want to know that love is an action. I learned that love is about giving—everything—and letting it hurt. 

Wait... what?

Hahaha, yea that is what I knew from my past experiences. 

I learned all the things come in twos :

Life and death.

Pain and joy. 

Sugar and salt. 

Me and you. 

It is the balance of universe.

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one”

― Rumi

We must learn to focus on warm energy, always. 

Soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world, for if we can't learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate parts of ourselves. 

*This post was inspired from Rupi Kaur. 

Apakah kamu sedang lelah?   Coba beristirahatlah sejenak....

疲れたとき、みなさんも空を、見上げてみましょうね☆ Ketika kamu lelah, lihatlah langit, lalu tersenyum.

Jika dalam menjalani hidup adakalanya terasa sangat berat, sehingga tak kuasa membendung tangis, maka beristirahatlah sebentar. 

Terkadang beban itu perlu dilepaskan sebentar, tidak untuk dipikul terus. 

Seringkali saat tubuh lelah, kita lebih mudah untuk mempertanyakan hal-hal yang seharusnya tidak perlu dipertanyakan. Membuat pikiran yang kalang kabut menjadi lebih kompleks. 

Berpikir dan terus berpikir, tentang masa depan, terbayang masa lalu, tapi sering melupakan masa kini. Masa kini yang seharusnya menjadi hadiah, karena today is a present. 

Jika saat ini kamu sedang mempertanyakan akan hal berat yang menimpamu hari ini. Beristirahatlah...

Mungkin lebih baik jangan terlalu mengharap kegembiraan pada hal yang belum terjadi. 

Berikan sedikit ruang untuk rasa kecewa.

Selalu lebih baik untuk mendapat kejutan daripada merasa kecewa. 

Di sisi lain, jangan terlalu takut pada hal yang belum terjadi. 

Sebab hal-hal yang aku takutkan belum tentu semenakutkan yang aku pikirkan. 

Dan, sesuatu yang menimpaku tidaklah tanpa alasan, meskipun aku belum tahu alasan itu sekarang. 

Karena setiap kejadian akan memberikan sebuah pelajaran. 

"Percayalah, di saat kamu ikhlas dengan keadaanmu, disitulah Allah SWT merencanakan kebahagiaan untukmu, Allah SWT mampu mengubah situasi paling terpuruk menjadi momen terbaik dalam hidupmu." - K.H. Maimoen Zubair

『上には上にがある』

"There's always something greater"

Hey, you!

How are you? 

Is there something that burden you?

Uncertainty oftentimes put ourselves into two condition, between good and bad. Yet, sometimes what we define good isn't something really good, and vice versa.

Uncertainty also a kind of unpredictable things which may happened in the future. Yet, we can always learn something from the past.

Uncertainty,

Because there's a higher power who control it. 

Cr: Hospital Playlist Season 1

This May, perhaps teaches me another lessons to grow. 

Sometimes I couldn't understand why but in the end I'm learning that actually everything that I'm going through have reasons. 

                                       Everything has a reason. 

I have to believe that I can go through these all. 

The mundane life, difficult days, happy days... Everything. With the help of God, with the help of families and friends or even strangers. 

... It doesn't have direct correlation with love. Everything I've talked before, but somehow explaining it with this topic sounds more understandable. 

Well, sometimes I'm too afraid for being on my own, like you can say being single. 

Although when I'm doing something I can say that I can do it on my own. I can go to the hospital by myself, going to supermarket alone, McD time on my own, or hanging out at a cafe with one cup of coffee (read:I'm alone).

Let's say that I don't hate being alone but it's more awesome if I can do everything I like with someone special. 

... Yet, sometimes I also don't want to be in a situation where I can't become myself, not so sure about my own self, or afraid of serious relationship. 

By the way, I'm sure that everyone has their own struggles, some might have the same thoughts as mine, and it's okay isn't to not rushing everything, just because we want to be like somebody elses? 

It's my own journey of finding my other half.  There will be the time when I will finally say, "It's worth a wait!! "

Maybe right now your journey is about you. 

Yes darling, Maybe your journey now is not about love. Maybe right now your journey is about you. Maybe this is a season you are being challenged to be your own savior. 

To be your own safe place. Maybe right now you are being reminded that the people who walked away were only ever leading you back to yourself. Were only ever leading you here. 

And here, you are okay on your own. You're rebuilding. 

Here you're adapting and mending and reclaiming all of the pieces you let them walk away with. 

Here, you are being kinder to your soul. 

You're giving yourself the same kind of love you have always given to others. 

Here, you are not rushing your heart. 

You are not depending on another human being to fix it. Instead, here, you are doing that on your own. 

Here, you are healing. [cr: @rainbowsalt]

And... The lessons to be learned. 

I'm not going to rush anything. 

I'm not going to stress out or worry about how things will work out for me. Instead of overthinking, I will align my faith with divine timing and trust that everything that belongs in my life is making its way towards me right now. I know that the universe will deliver. In the meantime, I'll continue to get better and evolve so I can make room for new energy to enter my life.